Harry Potter and the Cleverly Masked Manipulation
by yours-in-apathy
Summary: Albus Dumbledore, tired of Harry's 5th book angst, seeks Severus' help in a secret plot to get the two together.


**Warning! This story is absolutly ridiculous. My friend wrote it years ago and we found it tonight and thought it would be funny to publish it on .**

**Rated M for slash (not terribly graphic), intentional spelling mistakes, and general ridiculousness. I appologize ahead of time for the pain you feel while reading this.**

Disclaimer: All cannon characters, places, and themes I have no claim to. It all belongs to J.K. Rowling and her amazing mind. Although she'd be dreadfully disturbed by this interpretation.

* * *

One day there lived a boy, named HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER loved magic, because he was a wizzard. He attended the school of HOGwarts, where his least fav. teacher, Severus Snape, taught. Their hatred for each other, little to their conscious minds, was actually lust and sexual tension. HARRY POTTER needed to be released from his virgin confines. Professor Dumbledore realized this, so he set up a meeting time for Severus Snape and HARRY POTTER to learn HARRY good. Dumbledore was a witty old man, so he cleverly masked this meeting as a "tutoring" session for Potions.

Severus Snape was NOT happy.

* * *

HARRY POTTER was horny, but he didn't understand why he had this massive erection. Little did he know that R0N WEASEL was actually touching him in the night. So, HARRY POTTER finished his last class, and headed to the potion master's office. As he knocked on the door, he heard a faint moan.

(OH MAN, WTF?) HARRY POTTER thought. He pressed his ear against the door, and listened intently.

"OOH - OH MAN - OH MAN YES - OH NO - YES - NO - YEAH, OH PROBABLY?"

After a duration of about ten minutes, the moaning stopped, and he heard someone approaching the door. He stepped back, and made it look as if he'd just arrived, expecting to see professor Snape  
BUT NO! (LE GASP) Instead, Mrs. Norris casually exited the room. As she walked passed HARRY, he could smell the strong scent of sex and candy on her.

(Ah fuck) HARRY thought to himself as he entered the room. There stood Severus Snape, leaning casually against his desk.

"You're late, Potter" he said, snidely

"OH YAH, SRY" HARRY POTTER replied, casually, and sat down at the table adjacent to him.

"So, Professor Dumbledore has unfortunately assigned me the task of tutoring you on potions. However much you need the help, I wish it were otherwise."

"YAH, K, L3TS D3W IT" HARRY responded, respectfully. HARRY got out his quill and parchment, and started to do the homework assigned. Snape stood behind him, watching over his shoulder. After about three minutes, he began to relax a bit; Snape hadn't really been bothering him much tonight.

(IZ IT HAWT IN H3RR?) HARRY thought, as he loosened his robes.

Turning around, he saw Snape's face directly in back of him, his breath on his neck "UM. HEY" HARRY replied, uncomfortably, "SUP?"

"Ooohh, nothing." Snape said, licking HARRY's ear lobe. "Just chillin' and killin', you know."

"O.K., NEWAY." HARRY said, returning to his studies. A few minutes later HARRY heard the same moans as he heard when he first approached the professor's office, except these moans were louder.

And what was this?  
Something was grinding hard against HARRY's leg.

"K WTF BITCHEZ?" HARRY said as he looked down, confusedly. There he saw Severus Snape grinding his nether regions hard against HARRY's potter and his leg.

"OHZ HELLZ YES" HARRY said, not bothering to hide it any longer.

"WHOIZ UR DADDY" HARRY said, bending Snape over and spanking him hard on his wrinkled and gross potion's master ass.

Snape giggled to himself, "OH yes, tehehehe"

"YAZ BITCH, UZ LIKE BIG HARRY'S POTTER." Harry said, loudly, as he grunted and grinded up against Snape . After all was said and done, HARRY and Snape laid together in front of the fire place, naked, and cuddling, covered by only a lion skin blanket

"YO BITCH, DAT WAS FLY" HARRY said, quietly into Snape's ear

"It was rather nice, wasn't it?" Snape replied, nuzzling HARRY.

Eight years down the road, HARRY and Snape were married.  
They moved to the suburbs, and had four little HARRYSnape babies  
Snape was a live-in Mommy, and HARRY went to work full time at the local General Store.  
They were brutally murdered.

The end.


End file.
